What is Love? — How Do We Stop Being so Awkward Around Those We Like?
Why is it that love comes to others so easily and not me? Where do I draw the line between love and friendship?
These are interesting, but difficult questions to answer. What exactly is love? Is it just a chemical reaction inside of our skull or is it a phenomenon that can’t be explained? Why is it that we fancy only certain people and not others? Why are we so awkward and shy around those we like?
Answering all of these questions would take ages. But, let’s go through how we might be able to reason our way to making some action towards achieving love and connection.
The scenario is familiar. You see her across the room talking in a group. She’s beautiful, smart, funny, and all the other adjectives. You’ve spoken to her many times as a friend, but you have never made the move to express your true feelings. But, why?
I reason that I would rather sustain the friendship rather than getting rejected or I tell myself, that it’s okay, there’s plenty of fish in the sea. So I stay put. I complacently tell myself that I forever will be in the “friend-zone”.
There are substantial problems with something I call “love-logic”. Love logic is when you get too much into your feelings that you never ask a person out. You give all the reasons why you shouldn’t ask them out. You are too busy. They might be with someone else. They might be too busy. And the list of excuses goes on. From this, nothing is achieved, you stay perpetually complacent and reluctant.
Breaking the Seal
Let’s assume that you finally triumph over love logic and its curse is broken. You no longer fall into endless cycles of perpetual reluctance.
You see her again. This time it’s different. She’s alone and you approach her. You then ask her if she’d like to do something generic, like have a cup of coffee.
The story stops here because the situation is different for everyone. Telling someone, that you would like to pursue romantic interest with them isn’t as simple as walking up to them and asking them to be yours. It’s gradual. It’s important to make 100% sure that you would like to spend an extended period of time with this said person.
Once your mind is set, go on in. I personally believe that a long-lasting romantic relationship begins with an established friendship. You have to break the seal of friendship eventually if you want to pursue romance. If you don’t break the seal, your actions don’t match up with your thoughts. If your actions don’t match your intentions, you don’t really have love on your hands, you are just an onlooker.
It’s important to remember that once you have to courage to ask someone out and you have already made a connection, that you acknowledge their faults. Every person has inconsistencies and it’s important to be aware of your expectations of that person.
I’ve noticed that I have expectations of people that I don’t fully voice, but I unconsciously expect them to follow through anyway. This can lead to disappointment, future arguments, and perhaps heartbreak.
Voicing your expectations of a person can seem odd at first, but you have to make a mutual agreement between each other to do it out of friendship and love. Having these expectations out in the open can really make loving each other much easier. If each person, knows what the other wants and desires, their relationship can last much, much longer.
Marriage should be the ultimate goal once you start dating someone. If you don’t have that goal in mind when you are just setting yourself up for an eventual breakup. Being a girlfriend and boyfriend forever is just plain immature. If you are going to stay with each other for a long time, might as well put a ring on it, like Beyoncé always says.
Love is Weird
Love is weird. Loving someone else is super difficult if you don’t first love yourself. How can you care for someone else if you don’t know how to care for yourself? This is something I’ve been working on before committing.
Anyways, just remember, I’m not a marriage counselor, these are just my thoughts on the subject of love. You can take it or leave it. Do what you would like with my observations. Good luck love hunting!